Are you doing ‘the parent thing’ right? Is everyone judging how you’re coping? Is the life you knew pre-baby gone forever? And how can you meet other parents in the same situation?
These are just some of the things TV personality Dani Dyer wants to open up about as part of her new role as a BBC Tiny Happy People ambassador. She hopes sharing experiences from her own journey as a young single mum can help other new parents.
Dani gave birth to her son Santiago in January 2021 at the age of 24.
It was a rewarding first year, but one that also came with challenges.
“It’s such a bubble that you’re in”
“I honestly wasn't prepared for the rush of hormones,” Dani says. “It was a bit hard for me at the beginning. I really did struggle.”
When Santiago - or Santi - was born Dani felt she spent a lot of time comparing herself to other parents.
“I always used to think, ‘Why can't I breastfeed?’ I really, really struggled with that. I put so much pressure on myself.”
“I shouldn't have compared so much. I shouldn't have looked online. I should have just enjoyed my baby bubble and just gone with it.”
Looking back, Dani worries that she didn’t enjoy Santi when he was a newborn.
“I do say to my mum, ‘Did I enjoy him being a newborn?’ I think, ‘Did I?’ And my mum says, ‘Dan, You did. You loved it!.’ But I honestly can't .”
It was in lockdown, so it was hard for me because I felt like I didn't have other mum friends that I could go and see and talk to.
“But eventually I did find some lovely baby groups, which I honestly think are amazing.”
Dani finds comfort in the advice that of her parenting group share.
“You want to talk to other mums, you want to know how they're getting on, and just having that positive around you is so important.”
“You sometimes need to offload and go, ‘You know what? I’ve been up all night. Have you got any tips? Is there anything I can do?’”
“Being a mum can sometimes be really lonely”
Having a good system has really helped Dani, especially as a single parent.
“I think being a mum can sometimes be really lonely, and it is important to speak out and share that.”
Being honest about when you’re having a bad day, or feeling lonely is something Dani thinks parents should do more often, because it’s something that every parent can relate to.
This is one of the reasons Dani is so excited to become a Tiny Happy People ambassador.
“I just love that it's such a positive online platform for you to go to for guidance,” she says. “There's a lovely community on there and I’m just really excited to be a part of it.”
“Mum and Dad have been there for me”
A major part of Dani’s system is her mum. Whenever she’s needed advice or reassurance, she’s been there to lend a hand, just as Dani’s nana looked after her when she was younger.
“If my mum doesn't see me for a few days, I genuinely really miss her."
We’ve got such a lovely relationship. She was only 18 when she had me, so she's like my best friend, and she absolutely loves the baby. We spend so much time together.
“Even if it is just sitting there with a cup of tea, I really do need her. And I'm grateful that I've got my mum.”
That’s not forgetting Dani’s dad either, and his new role as grandad. Dad Danny may play some tough roles on TV, but becoming a grandparent has shown how sweet he is.
“The way they’ve been there for me is honestly, just such a dream,” she explains. “There have been some long nights, if Santi’s not been well, where I really struggled and I’ve just needed to have a chat or a sleep in the afternoon. And they’ve been there for me.”
“Knowing I've got them, I am blessed with that.”
“I am a lot stronger than I thought”
While Dani has found from her fellow mum friends and her family, she has also found strength within herself.
“I’ve definitely learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was,” Dani shares. “At the beginning, I really did doubt myself being a mum, but now I've definitely changed and grown as a person.”
Although there were times when Dani felt out of her depth, she found she was able to adapt.
“I sitting there thinking, ‘I don't know how I'm gonna do this?’ ‘How am I gonna look after this baby?’ He was still so little, but you just find your own thing.”
She continues: “It's actually so surprising how we can adapt to change because there was a point for me where I was struggling. I didn't really know what to do. And now, I've really fit into my own routine. I love it!.”
“I try and go out every day for a walk, go to the park or meet friends. I feel like you really do need that… having that time is so important for your mental health.”
Finding that system of friends old and new, as well as family, is one of Dani’s biggest tips to new parents.
“Have a little bit of you time”
The more we get used to a new situation, the more likely we are to find our own short-cuts through it. It’s no different for Dani, who has a few tips of her own to share with the Tiny Happy People community.
“My day-to-day tips,” she begins, “are when Santi goes to bed, I get everything organised. I get his outfit ready and his meals prepped for the next day if I need to.”
She continues: “Once your baby’s in bed, have a little bit of you-time, watch telly, have dinner… and have a nice little bath. I feel like that has been so important for me. Once my baby’s in bed, then it’s me-time.”
Since being involved with Tiny Happy People, Dani has found the website a useful tool when it comes to learning more about child development. She often plays activities like ‘Peekaboo’ with Santi.
“He copies me,” she says “and all of a sudden he's sort of doing it to me. It's actually amazing how much they're learning, how much they're developing without you even realising.”
“I think the content is brilliant! There are short, easy to do activity ideas that you can fit into your everyday routine. It’s all about talking to your little one, just talking about what you're doing can really help. If you're washing up, tell 'em, or talk about what they're having for dinner.”
It's so, so important to just chat to your baby because it really does help with their language skills.
When it comes down to it, for Dani, there’s no greater reward than having this brand new little boy in her life, who’s been life-changing in his own special way.
“Everything is for Santi and I feel like that's just been really, really important for me. Everything I've done is for him, he’s everything to me. He’s completed my life.”
