Justice was 18 and in her second year of college when she had her son, O’Shaé. Now 20 and at university, she shares her top tips for studying when you’re a parent.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was right in the middle of assignments and exams at college. I hadn’t planned on being a young mum but I was really excited about having a baby. The first thing I did was call my tutor and tell her my news. She was really helpful and set up meetings with my teachers to make sure I was getting the I needed.
My college told me I had three options: drop out completely, drop out that year and restart the following year or carry on with my course after I’d had the baby. All my friends would have already graduated and gone to uni if I deferred a year so I decided to carry on with my course.
Coping with the tiredness
I was really tired when I was pregnant: I had to get up early to get to college and was exhausted all the time. Despite this, I worked until a week before I had my son. After he was born, I stayed at home with him for three months but then started worrying that I was getting behind with my studies. My tutor told me I didn’t need to go in and they’d send me work to do at home. But I wanted to go back to learn. I had six assignments left to do and only three months to do them!
It was really hard studying with a newborn. He was at nursery in the day so I could go to college but he wasn’t good at sleeping at night.
There were lots of times he’d be awake cuddled up to me in the early hours while I read a course text book.
Even though I was tired and all I wanted to do was sleep, I still had work to do.
Missing my baby
Putting O’Shaé into nursery was hard. I didn’t want to be away from him but at the same time I knew I had to do it to finish college. He would finish at the same time as me so I’d pick him up and take him home for dinner, bath and bedtime.
Even when he was a baby, I made sure I chatted to him about my day.
He babbled all the time, so I’d tell him what I was doing. I feel that has really helped him as he’s now starting to speak and he’s very chatty.
Finding a network
It’s really hard being a mum. But when you’re younger, it’s especially hard if you want to carry on studying and don’t want to stop your life entirely.
The greatest thing you can do is find your network.
Even if your family isn’t nearby then finding close friends and people who can and help you makes it easier. I was lucky and had both my family and friends as two different systems.
I live with my mum and she’d look after O’Shaé if I needed to study for college. And now I’m at uni, she helps look after him while I work or catch up on sleep. Other times she’ll encourage me to go and see my friends and be myself again. I find having that balance makes being a mum easier.
At college, I had my friends who looked out for me and made sure I was OK. I was always forgetting to eat so they’d turn up in the morning with a bag of fruit for me. They even clubbed together to buy a cot for my son when I was pregnant.
Talking to my tutor
When my son started nursery, he seemed to get ill all the time. He caught pretty much every bug going so there were lots of times I couldn’t go to college. Luckily, they totally understood and sent work home for me. For anyone in the same situation, I’d always recommend talking to your tutor and get as much help and from them as you can. It really paid off for me. I got all my assignments done on time and ended up graduating with the highest grades, which I’m really proud of.
Bonding with my son
My university studies are full on – I’m now in my second year studying Criminology – but I make sure I have lots of fun with O’Shaé. He loves painting so I print out pictures for him, get out the paint and crayons, and we get creative together. My mum works long hours so another activity he loves is making cards for her when she gets home. He likes having his feet and hands painted and making prints out of them on bits of card.
He’s such a happy, friendly boy and is very active so we also go to soft play where he can climb up and down as much as he wants.
Turning negativity into motivation
When you’re a young parent, there will always be people who have something negative to say. I was told, “you can’t go to uni when you’ve got a baby”. I was even told to call child services on myself to get my son taken away. At the time it really hurt, but talking it through with my mum I realised that as long as I don’t believe what they are saying, it really doesn’t matter.
Instead, I used the negative comments to motivate me.
I wanted to be able to say to people, “You said I wouldn’t be able to do this, but I can and I HAVE!”
My son is my inspiration
Before I had O’Shaé I was always pushing myself at school. But having him has made me push myself even harder. I want to show him that no matter what happens in your life, if you put your mind to it and you really want to do something, you can do it. No matter what happens. When he is older I can tell him I had him while I was at college and I still graduated and went to uni. I want him to know he is my motivation. I might be young and a mother but I’ve still managed to do everything other people around me have done.
Justice's top tips
- Look after yourself
It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself when you’re juggling a baby with studying. Make sure you are eating and drinking enough and catch up on sleep when you can.
- Talk to your baby
I’ve chatted to my son about my day from when he was tiny. He’s now a really chatty toddler and I’m sure that’s the reason why.
- Believe in yourself
You can do anything you want as long as you have the motivation and the right mindset. It doesn't matter what situation you’re in: if you feel like you can achieve it, then you can.
- Don’t overwork yourself
You’ve just had a baby and everyone around you will understand that you’re tired. Talk to your tutors about ways they can help you with your studies.
Further help
If you need on pregnancy related issues, check out the BBC Action Line for details of organisations that can help.
